am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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