Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
