New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
