"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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