The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
True college students do jello shots in the library
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