she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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