There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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