The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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