i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
