At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
