I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
