Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
