i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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