do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
