You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
