he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
