Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
