Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
