he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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