I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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