My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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