I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
