This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
