yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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