I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
