Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
