His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
