Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
