Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
