If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
