Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
