OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
