the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
