Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
