I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
