my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
