Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
