If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
