He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
