It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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