Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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