i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
