My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she woke up with a sticky ear
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
