If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
