hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
