i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
