She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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