you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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