The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
