Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
