You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
