Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
