we're blogging at a bar
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
