he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
