you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
